Death on Love Day

            When not at work, I continued to share the company of two men. There were several more instances of seeing both of them on the same day at different times. I felt guilt, but it did not surpass the exhilaration I received from the situation.

            Dedrick was not available on Love Day. I gave the entire holiday to Kyle, although I may have done this anyways. He was more suited for it.

            We danced for hours and he only stepped on my foot twice. As we slowly shambled around in circles, he’d say pleasant things to me that I accepted as sweet lies. I did not need him to tell me I was beautiful. I knew I was not physically attractive, and had learned that that was apparently not the only thing necessary when searching for a potential mate.

            Still, it was nice that he cared enough about pleasing me to lie.

            While still on the dance floor, he quietly mumbled a question about whether or not I’d like to go steady with him.

            In the moment, I answered without hesitation. It was only after I became his girlfriend that I thought about the implications of the entire concept. As a child, I believed I wanted marriage so that I could one day have a family. And it was necessary to become exclusive before marriage. That meant I was taking a crucial step forward in having a family. But was it necessary after all? What would change between us? We’d still go out and have nice nights, and I would continue to see Dedrick as well. Putting aside morals—which were really just a concept created by society and not natural—was I really doing wrong? I couldn’t be sure. I felt decidedly uncomfortable though.

            Before leaving to see Kyle, I’d called a plumber. Both the shower and Mother’s bathtub were leaking, and I was tired of mopping the floors. I didn’t realize that Mother would keep the poor woman from her work the entire evening.

            I also hadn’t realized that it would be Mother’s last night. She was only eighty-two; I thought she’d stick to life longer.

            Her death did not bother me as much as the thought that I had let Odie suffer it alone. Well, if you do not count the plumber.

            I didn’t even realize that she passed at first. When I got home from my date, I thought it was strange that I did not see her anywhere. And there was a strange tension in the air, if that really is a thing.

            Odie ran past me and out the front door. I found her and she told me the news. There were reports that I needed to write, but I spent my time consoling my sister instead.