Thinking and Not Thinking

            “Grandma, I’d like a word with you.” I wasn’t really sure what I was doing. It was like part of my mind had a secret agenda and had locked the rest of me out. I was only vaguely watching everything happen.

“I hate it when you call me that.”

“But that’s what you are. Technically speaking.”

“Well, what do you want?”

I sighed and it came out as a roar in my empty lair. “What exactly did you do to the witch?”

“How the hell should I know? That monster is probably just some obsessed fan!” she barked. It prompted the witch to retaliate, calling her a selfish idiot and that she always thought she was a terrible actress. They started to argue, louder than they ever had before.

            It was hard to take the sudden fight that exploded inside my head. It ripped through my skull with a fiery pain. Even if I didn’t exactly know what I had been going after, it couldn’t have been that. The three of them bickered often, fighting occasionally, but I had never experienced such pain from it before! Maybe they’d never been so heated, or maybe it was my age starting to show. Carrying around extra minds couldn’t have been healthy.

            “Please be quiet. Both of you!” Mom ordered. “Can you not see what you are doing to him?”

“Oh he’s fine. Just being dramatic.”

“Is this seriously bothering you?”

“A little.”

“Hm. If you were anyone else, I might be concerned.” Still, their altercation lowered back down into bickering, alleviating me of my flash headache.

            I tuned them out for a while, trying to avoid bringing on another of whatever that had been. They didn’t stop. Just kept going on and on and on about the same reasons to why they hated each other. I’d been hearing them most of my adult life. “Would you all shut up? Can’t even have one civilized conversation.”

“Don’t act like you’re better than us. It’s unbecoming.”

“Well, she didn’t create a curse for me specifically, so I must be better than two of you.”

“He means you two,” Mom said bluntly. “Because you were awful enough to be cursed and you were awful enough to make a curse.”

“Yeah, I got that. I’m not some idiot, I’ll have you know!”

The witch stayed silent for a couple moments. I thought I was in the clear. “You might actually be worse than Vienna.” Nope. “You use Trish as a personal nanny and woohoo toy. You’re watcher-awful to your kids.”

“At least he knows their names.”

“But he hates one of them! He maliciously hates his own child. Who does that?”

“The parents of creepy little brats.”

“And you’re a thief. That’s your actual career route. You steal things from people for a living! What if they need those things? What if they can’t afford more?”

I shrugged. “It’s not like I steal medicine or anything. Who can’t live without a painting or a statue or a potted plant?” The witch was rearing up to say more, but it was getting time for me to leave for work. “I’m not really in the mood to hear about why you disagree with my life anymore.”

“Whatever.”

“And hey, you should take comfort in the fact that you helped to create me. If it weren’t for your curse, I would have never been alive to steal or hate Claude.”

            When I eventually got home and ready to crawl into bed, some of my offspring bombarded me for bedtime stories. It was nearly six in the morning, why on earth did they need stories? While they pleaded their wants, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about the way the witch described me. Was I really some sort of monster?

            I assisted Trish with getting the triplets back into their beds. It may have been the weekend for them, but it was too early for kids to be up and running around. “They are precious,” Trish commented once they were all tucked in.

If I was really all bad, then how could I have made things that could be classified as precious? “Yeah, I suppose they are.”

            I had a lot of thinking to do, but I thankfully had a lot of time to do it. Still, I felt like getting a jump start on it. I changed into my workout clothes, instead of going to bed. I began to make my way to my gym, mentally plotting the things about my life I needed to look over. I didn’t think I needed to change much, after all I simply had my own moral code, but maybe I could conform just a little. Maybe I put on a bit of an act to show people only what I wanted them to see. Maybe.

            On my way into the pool area, I absentmindedly pulled a few jelly beans from the potted bush.

            Then I heard a thud as my body fell against the hardwood floor.

            Everything disappeared for seconds or maybe minutes. I had no thoughts to plot. There were no arguing voices in my head. My menacing fortress no longer existed.

            The first thought I had when I could think once again was when in hell did I ever eat jelly beans? Okay, maybe once or twice a day. It was only because they made me feel strangely powerful before a workout. And they usually boosted my mood before work. When had I even started that habit?

            Oh yeah, there was that plant where Finch and I got hitched. I tried one there.

            Dammit! I should have never gotten married. It was one of the few conventional things I did and look where it got me!

            I began to beg when I finally recognized Grim out of his usual hooded cloak. “This isn’t fair! I wasn’t an addict! I just have a sweet tooth every now and then!”

            He wasn’t listening. I pleaded harder, desperate to get back into my body. Everything was dulled as a ghost, and it scared me to think about just being a voice in someone’s head. What if it was Claude’s? “The witch! This must be her fault. She made me do this! No, no you can’t let me lose to her again!”

            There was no use for my begging though. Grim rolled his eyes and muttered, “Another one of you people.”

            The last thing I saw through a real pair of eyes was my little blue daughter. She was about to sob and the strangest thought crept through my head. I was going to miss them.

The Family

            For the birthday party, Freddie had brought over a cheese plate that he’d made. I guess he and Trish talked, because she all of a sudden had it in her head that my relationship with my twin mattered.

            She made all the kids come over and try their ‘favorite uncle’s’ food.

            And then she had the audacity to nag me when I chose a corn dog over a plate with some cubed cheese on it. Of course the mindless sheep kids joined her. “C’mon Daddy! It’s really really good!”

            They wouldn’t shut up until I abandoned my delicious pronto pup in favor of a bland and cheap appetizer.

            I changed to get ready for work. Everyone else scrambled to go do whatever it was that they did. Except for Claude. “I cannot believe Trish is into a criminal like you.”

“Now now, it’s not natural for a boy to love his mother. You’ll end up blind.”

“She is not my mom! I don’t know why you guys keep saying that!”

            Slowly, my part genie kids began to discover their magic. I had a little bit of hope of taking down the witch. Grandma shared in it.

            For the most part, they didn’t seem to care much about their abilities. They’d rather play like normal kids. Such a shame.

            Hans, on the other hand, was obsessed with their hovering. He wanted to know when his superpowers would come. I didn’t want to discourage him, well I just didn’t really feel like talking to him, so I kept quiet about his mundaneness.

            At some point, Claude aged.

            Teenaged hormones only made his attraction for Trish worsen.

            And that led to the other kids keeping their distance from Creepy Claude. Couldn’t fault them for being smart.

A Party for Some

            I decided to invite the whole family over for the triplets’ birthday, because why the hell not? I didn’t particularly feel like catching up with many of them. It would be nice to rub my success in their faces though.

            Freddie badgered me about why we never talked anymore. It was like he forgot what an ass he was during my engagement. At least he told me how great the house was, commenting extensively on the impressive cleanliness. I decided not to tell him that it took a maid, a butler, and a rundown ex-heiress to make it that way.

            While we were talking, Cousin Greg ran up to us. “Bro, this place freakin’ nuts!” Since when did he become a surfer douche?

            He then went on to manhandle one of my offspring.

            Seeing Milton was a great pleasure. Ha! He really let himself go.

            Lois, now the mother of three, made an ass of herself when she showed off her piano skills, or lack thereof. Kylie and Odie were nice enough to pretend to be interested. I wondered how my aunt was even still alive.

            When I felt like it, I brought Narissa down to the table I had bought specifically for the occasion. I held her up to the candles, trying not to let it bother me that my rude family hadn’t cared to turn up for the main event.

            “I didn’t get a cake,” Claude muttered.

            Narissa aged into a cute enough little girl. I expected no less of her. “Don’t get cocky. She’s still blue.”

            Of course Milton came running when he heard the cake was ready.

            The whole family migrated to the kitchen for the cake eating part. No one seemed disturbed by my yelling fit upon discovering that there wasn’t a single piece left for me. I’d really grown fond of sweets since my pregnancy. Sweets and fried goods.

           I gave my only daughter a gift containing plenty of pink stuff I happened to find lying around. “Happy birthday.”

“Party.” I didn’t understand her response, but whatever.

            Narissa wanted to dance, so Trish and I did just that with her, effectively forgetting about the guests and other toddlers.

            And Claude, who fell into the pool. I think he just wanted to steal away Narissa’s limelight.

            While they didn’t age in front of a cake or loosely related adults, my other sons were treated to me being present while they became children.

            I’ll admit, Hans did give Narissa a run for her money in the looks department.

            He and James decided to share the pink bedroom, leaving the darker one for Narissa. I suppose Claude too. Hopefully he wouldn’t take his crushes to a new level of creepy and inappropriate.

Date Days

            Trish was a hard little worker when it came to the triplets. And putting up with Claude too, I suppose.

            Her various art projects kept her busy in her infrequent spurts of free time. Something told me that they were not quite enough. And by something, I mean the peanut gallery in my head.

            Mom felt sorry for her. I grew accustomed to her keeping the kids quiet, and I guess I was afraid she would regret it someday and book it.

            She had said that she wanted something of a relationship. Most of the time, I found it hard to even pretend to be interested in her. She was a great woman, but I had too much else on my mind.

            If I wasn’t careful, someone would snap her up in an instant. Well, they could try but would probably not have my many advantages. There was always the rare possibility though.

            So, every once in a while when she became too stir-crazy, I’d concede and do something nice for her.

            I guess my surprise way of telling her about my promotion didn’t count as something nice, so I had to go bigger and less creative.

            I’d let her get all dolled up and take her out to the bistro for lunch. Then I’d supply roses, followed by rattling off my arbitrary pet name for her. It was all formulaic, but it pleased her endlessly.

            It usually put me in the position to ask for a certain mood uplifting activity before work. Contrary to popular belief, I didn’t think love was necessary to enjoy a bit of action. Especially when one could see the practical side to it.