Mother Kisser

 

            “Issy?” JB called from the other room while I washed up our dishes from dinner. Or was it lunch? Maybe a linner. How was I supposed to know what time it was? Everything started to become really disorientated for me since I started to spend so much time underground.

I’d totally lucked out! I found a bunch of old junk—“It wasn’t junk!”—tucked away that I was able to hawk for a few weeks’ worth of bills. I could finally take a break from strumming in the park and enjoy some quality time playing house with JB.

“Yeah?”

“Isn’t it close to being time for your family reunion?”

“So?” I asked, barging back into the main room.

 

“Shouldn’t you attend it? You made it sound as though it was important to your mom that you attend.”

“Yeah she really wants me to.” I leaned in for a kiss, really itching for a good make out session, but he ducked it. “Here’s the problem: I don’t want to go. Don’t you want me to stay down here with you?”

 

“You know I love our time together, but I still think you should go. After all, you are the leader of the family now, aren’t you?”

“Not really, I’m just the heir…” I started to mumble but stopped myself. Leader? Nobody’d called me that before. It sounded good though. And I was kinda the leader, wasn’t I? “Maybe I should go. Will you be okay down here by yourself?”

“I always am!” he beamed.

 

 

            Somebody, Mom thought it was Uncle Freddy, organized some lame family reunion party at the boring club uptown. In the limited exposure I’d had to her that week, Mom’d strongly encouraged me to go. It sounded so awful, and I had a bad feeling or whatever.

            JB had wanted me to go though too, so I’d just have to toughen up and survive a few hours with my relatives.

 

            It looked like it was late afternoon by the sun outside, but my family were all still clad in pajamas when I went up to announce that I was going. I had to sit there for, like, thirty minutes and wait for my brothers to change. “Are you gonna wear that?” I asked Mom with a laugh.

“Oh, I’m not going.”

“And I’m staying here too,” Claudey threw at me, defiant look in his eyes. Mom elbowed him.

I shrugged. “Whatever.”

 

            So the place ended up being pretty much dead. At first, it was just Hans, James, and I. I pulled out my guitar, ready to entertain my tardy family whenever they showed up.

 

 

            James’ cool factor went up like eight hundred notches in my book when he went behind the bar and took advantage of the fact that there were no adults around. He was surprisingly good at making iced juices.

 

            Hans lamely danced while James and I drank. He was totally out of his comfort zone.

 

 

 

            Two of my cousins finally showed up. Or great cousins or second cousins or something!

 

            And then I learned that one of my biggest fans was dating the girl, Kylie.

 

            Only one more relative ever showed. I felt blessed by somebody for the genetics I’d managed to snag.

            When it was clear that the whole thing was a flop, I announced to my brothers, “I’m outta here! You two coming with me?”

“Shouldn’t you wait until the juice wears off first?” Hans asked, trying to keep his worried voice discreet. I was so bored that I’d forgotten that I’d even stolen a few swigs from James’ mix. I didn’t feel weird at all, so I just told them I was fine and walked off.

 

 

            I decided to go into the house first to tell Mom what a fiasco the reunion turned out to be. I wanted to rub it in her face. What I walked in on… well I didn’t expect it. Dad did though. I was still waving, trying to register what was in front of me, while he screamed a frighteningly long list of curse words in my head.

 

 

            “M-Mom?” I was eventually able to gasp out.

 

            They separated as soon as they realized I was there.

 

 

            “How did it go, H-Honey?” Mom had the balls to ask me like nothing had happened. What the hell had happened?! Mom had been kissing my brother! Her son! Watcher! What kind of disgusting crap was my family into?

“I knew that lousy bastard was going after her! Narissa, protect your father’s pride! Get rid of him!”

What I had seen was so gross, so unbelievably gross, that I felt like I could cry. My eyes even started to sting. “What the hell is going on?”

“It’s not what it looks like!”

“Narissa, you should just stay the hell out of our business. It’s bad enough you took the money and the house. The least you could do is keep your mouth shut.”

 

 

“Claude! You’re freaking disgusting! That’s our mom! How can you shove your tongue down your own mom’s mouth? This is like… like that one thing.”

“Oedipus Rex? Watcher, you are so dumb! Why did he pick you?”

“Shut up!” I screeched at him, shaking with rage. “You don’t get to insult me, Mother Kisser!”

 

 

"Like she said, it’s not what it looks like. Trish isn’t my mom. She’s not even your mom,” Claude said like it would reassure me.

“You need to shut up!”

Mom had the audacity to look upset. “I will not have you speak to your brother that way.”

 

 

“Oh like you can tell me what to do! Like either one of you can!” I yelled at both of them. “I don’t care if you aren’t actually Claudey’s mom. You raised him like he was yours! This is so fucked up!”

 

 

            A storm I’d never felt before tore threw me. It ripped out full grown trees and uprooted houses. It wasn’t going to stop until I did something. “You really can’t tell me what to do. This is my house. My money. My family. I don’t need you guys around.

 

            “I can’t even look at you. I just wish you two would go away!”

And then my wish came true. An unknown magic released in me, and I banished my mom and my brother from the family estate.